Fast Love and The Era of Dispensability

[Originally published on personal blog – April 27, 2021]

It’s still hard to believe that the last romantic partner I met through a more traditional way was around 3-4 years ago. We were introduced through a friend and met at a movie screening. Even that felt unconventional for me because, in the past, my relationships often grew from friendships. The idea of forming a romantic connection with someone before truly knowing them was new to me, and perhaps that’s why I find the concept of "fast love" difficult to fully grasp.

Since then, my dating life has largely consisted of swiping right on apps – nothing organic. One of the last relationships I had began with a simple swipe, and within just a few months, I was being asked about marriage. While it didn’t happen, it serves as a vivid illustration of how quickly things can progress in today’s world of dating. This is what I call fast love.

Love as a Buffet

Navigating the modern dating scene can feel overwhelming, like trying to figure out life without an instruction manual. Even now, I’m still asking myself questions: Should I be more accessible? More mysterious? What kind of relationship am I really looking for? The answers aren’t always clear.

Today, dating often involves endless swiping, with algorithms determining who you meet next. At first, it can feel empowering – like you’re in complete control. You can curate your profile however you want, choosing to present yourself as carefree, intense, quirky, or serious. It’s a bit like crafting your own menu at a self-serve yogurt bar. But is it really that convenient?

Imagine walking into a fast-food restaurant where the menu appears to offer endless options, but in reality, the choices are limited to what the restaurant can actually make. You may feel like you have control, but often you’re choosing from a set of predefined options that may not truly align with what you want. Dating apps function in a similar way: they create the illusion of choice, but in reality, they only offer what an algorithm thinks will work for you, based on patterns and preferences that may not even reflect who you really are.

In this era of dating apps, social media, and virtual interactions, it can be hard to maintain anything beyond a temporary connection. The process is fast-tracked by design, with apps eliminating many of the slower, more traditional aspects of dating that once helped people get to know each other more deeply.

Modern Love & Speed Dating

If you’re familiar with speed dating, it’s an event where you meet multiple people in a short amount of time, having brief conversations before moving on to the next person. In some ways, modern dating feels like an extended version of speed dating, but without knowing how much time you have with each person. When you connect with someone on an app, it could be days, weeks, or months before the communication fades. There’s an underlying anxiety because you never know when the connection might end.

The ease of access to personal information  (through social media, for instance) accelerates this process. You can learn so much about someone just by scrolling through their profile. In a matter of minutes, you might know their favorite meal, their hobbies, and even personal struggles. In the past, these were details you’d uncover gradually, through time spent together. Now, they’re just a few clicks away.

While this makes dating more convenient in some respects, it also removes the sense of mystery and the process of discovery that used to be central to getting to know someone.

Are We All Dispensable Now?

The speed at which we form connections today makes it equally easy to “unknow” someone. Just as fast as we can swipe right, we can swipe left to move on. There’s a notion that if we can learn about someone so quickly, we should also be able to end the connection just as easily. But unlearning – or in this case, “unknowing” – someone isn’t as simple as it seems.

The modern dating landscape pushes us to act quickly, often leaving little room for patience or careful consideration. In many apps, if you don’t reach out within 24 hours, the connection could disappear. This encourages impulsive interactions, which can feel harmless at first – just a casual “hello.” But every message carries some level of expectation, even if it’s small.

This fast-paced nature of dating can trick us into believing we need to act immediately, like a predator chasing prey. But not everyone is built for this constant sprint. The belief that slow, thoughtful consideration will leave you behind has become pervasive.

The Era of Disposability

There’s a saying that what comes easily is also easily lost, and that holds true for many aspects of modern dating. The faster we form connections, the more likely they are to slip away before we fully understand their value. That’s not to say quick connections can’t work – sometimes they lead to happiness. But more often than not, they fade as quickly as they begin.

Today’s digital platforms have made communication easier, but they’ve also dehumanized it. It’s easier to send a long emotional message over text than to say the same words in person. This disconnect makes it easier to treat others as dispensable. We start to see people as just another profile, another text, another fleeting interaction.

This leads me to a rather somber conclusion: while modern dating might offer convenience, it often brings out the worst in us. Yes, there are success stories, and some people do find lasting love through these platforms. But for many, it feels more like a cycle of temporary connections and inevitable heartbreak. At the end of the day, dating is about choosing the risk you’re willing to take – you just hope the next one won’t hurt as much.